I am expecting my first baby.

Coincidentally, this is also my first blog. I never had any interest in keeping a blog before. But, I'm not telling anyone about this yet - except my husband - and I want to crow it to the world! Also, part of me wants to write this down somewhere, so why not publicly yet anonymously? It will be neat to hear from other mothers who are going through these changes in their bodies and lives too.

I found out last week - so I'm three weeks along, or... 6 weeks pregnant. That's my first discovery, that they count your pregnancy from the week of your last period.

So now I'm enjoying what I am calling the "calm before the storm." No morning sickness...yet? The constipation did kick in a week before confirmation, though lots of veggies and water seems to be helping. I'm bloated, have gas, and my boobs are a little bigger, and definitely sore. The nipples are expanding too. And I can't eat as much at one time due to this intestine slowing down thing. But I get really hungry after a couple hours. The hormones are affecting my emotions and rationality a bit too.

I did have a scare a few days ago after I got home from a couple weeks of traveling - came home, nibbled on a few things and then a few hours later, starting feeling really sick. I vomited and had violent diarrhea. Felt very dizzy. The husband was still away for his job, so it was just me. A few mice had seen fit to wander the house during the two weeks we were both gone, including pooping on my pillow! So I had stripped the sheets off the bed hours before this hit me. I was wandering the house, sinking to my knees every few minutes, looking for the clean sheets to replace them so I could go to bed. Finally found them, got the bed made and crawled under my comforter. Fortunately I didn't have to make any runs the rest of the night, but I slept badly -I was worried.

I called the doctor the next morning and they told me to come in.
Was this morning sickness -was I in for THIS- already?
Or, was it a flu or food poisoning or something? And did I need to worry about the baby in that case?

She said it was probably something viral, and that I didn't need to worry about the baby. I'm a little amazed that something that made me feel so horrible so quickly wouldn't affect the little bugger, but relieved that it didn't. Also relieved that I wasn't in for morning sickness of that level...at least not yet.

There's a lot of waiting to see what you're in for with this pregnancy thing:

Will I miscarry? (I haven't told anyone yet for this reason...) I try to remember what Ann Douglas says in "The Mother of all Pregnancy Books" -which I recommend -- that there is a 20% chance this baby-to-be might not make it...but that means an 80% chance that it will. Still good odds. Better than half full. But, it has happened to many friends so I know it's a real chance, even if it's the lesser chance.

How bad will my morning sickness be? Will I be one of those lucky ones...or really unlucky? Or will I just have to swallow back a little throat puke every so often and get on with my day queasily?

What's going to happen when I tell my bosses? When should I? Unlike many jobs, I can't keep this one after the baby...in fact I'll leave after about seven months along. I perform for a living and have been touring away from home for 8 months a year for three and a half years. This baby will change all that. My husband has his own job, so I couldn't go on tour with the baby... and I don't want to anyway. I'm ready for the change. But it's also a big jump into the unknown, which I've been preparing myself for for a couple years now. I used to panic about it, but I think I've managed to realize I've got to prepare myself the best I can, and get on with it. Life will go on and there's no telling what great things may open up for me professionally down the road. In the meantime, I only have ten days on the road before a month and a half at home (our winter break.) So I just have to hope the guys don't notice my bigger boobs (yeah right) and the fact that I'm not drinking coffee or booze... and put two and two together.

I think about telling my dad. My dad was always the stern one... but I think that he's going to be a real softy when it comes to a grandchild (daughter? my hope.) I'm going to tell my parents at Thanksgiving - another few weeks yet.

How's this baby going to be born? Far away yet, but a big thought. I mean, who looks forward to childbirth? It sounds awful. I think it's a beautiful thing and all that... but really, it's going to hurt like hell. Thoughts of episiotomy are coming into my head at random moments. Hopefully I take after my mother, whose average labor was about five hours for all four of us kids!
I'm interested in natural childbirth and a midwife, but not quite sure I won't chicken out and head for the epidureal. I've got friends that have done it, and friends that ended up with it after saying they wouldn't.
My big concern is a C-section. Of course if there's a big problem, c'est la vie, but I think modern medicine goes for them way too much. In fact studies back me up. Almost 50% in some states. That's f&*%ed up. In a birth center that % goes way down. I'm looking at one birth center - going to the information session with my husband on Monday. It's right across from the hospital too, so emergency medicine will be right there if the hot tubs and certified nurse-midwife attention don't work out. I have nine months for the final decision though. Here we go.