Yesterday, we went to the birth center for an information session. Of course, on the way we had an experience with my hormones at work. We had had a pleasant meal of Indian food and were driving down the road looking for the place. Being Boston, our slow driving down the road meant that the guy behind us thought honking pretty much constantly was going to move us along. Well, the husband didn't like this one bit and began winding down the window. I knew what was coming. I said, "Don't give him the finger!" but husband stuck it out anyway, and it wasn't a quick flip of the bird, either. The light in front of us turned red at that moment and I fell prey to a fit of panicky irritated hormone-induced yelling. "Why'd you have to do that?! You could have just ignored him?! What if he was some WACKO WHO WAS GOING TO COME UP HERE AND TRY TO BEAT THE S^%& OUT OF YOU???!!! WHY WHY WHY???" It's pretty interesting when you step away from it for a moment, your brain is just a little bit out of your control, and these vivid images of someone stomping my husband into the street pavement just came out of nowhere.

Well, we got over that, had to call information to find the place. When we got there, no one was answering the bell and there was a small crowd gathered on the porch. All this meant that the husband was getting more and more annoyed, though I didn't know it at the time. The result was, though, that he spent the whole session in a bad mood and feeling annoyed at everyone. I on the other hand was fighting back a general feeling of tears from the hugeness of the situation. I mean, we're talking about me showing up here and having a frickin' baby.

I arrived at the session feeling unsure. This what-kind-of-birth-do-I-want thing is a big decision. It's early yet so I've still got plenty of time to decide and think on it more. After all, I am the kind of gal that insists on novocaine for my fillings. But I'm also someone that likes the body's natural workings... and having a medical team that talks to me and works with me, something that midwives are dedicated to.
The nurse explained everything well, though, and in the end I feel like I'm going to give it a shot. It's right on the hospital grounds, so they can have you down the stairs and up on the 5th floor of the hospital in five minutes, should something go wrong...or if I decide for any reason at all that that's where I'd rather be. They said the main reason by far is meconium, where the baby has a bowel movement in the water bag, and though this usually is fine, once in a while the baby will inhale this (...does this signify your kid will later be experimental in breathing in other things?) If this happens, it's a problem, so they move you over to the hospital just to be safe.

In answer to my question, they said that first time mothers don't request to be moved any more than any others. This surprised me but I'm going to assume they're not telling blatant lies.
The advantage to being there is freedom of movement, a kitchen, places to walk, sit in a jacuzzi, give birth in the jacuzzi, and a team that is dedicated to working with the progress of your labor. They believe interventions are only necessary when they're necessary - that is, if there isn't a problem, why use all these gadgets? I like this philosophy. While the pain is a bit daunting, I like the idea of working with the body to get the process going. That all those feelings are signals to the body, and that interfering with them can derail the process. They use episiotomies rarely and have convinced the doctors at the hospital to use them only 3% of the time as well. There's much less chance of a Cesearean- again, something I'll take if I have to but why do it if it's not necessary?

I can go on and on. But, I think I'll start my prenatal care there, and I will try to take a look at the hospital too. There's no point in narrowing my options at this stage. Another thing to think about is a doula - since it's my first time, why not hire an assistant to get me through it?

My mother called me the other day to let me know that my cousin is pregnant. This is exciting news...she's a little bit ahead of me, but there hasn't been a new baby on my mother's or father's side of the family in many years. It will be nice to share the experience with someone. Apparantly there have been some difficulties with her pregnancy so far, but it looks good from here out. Hopefully this will work out for both of us. It was strange having the conversation with my mother - she even started filling me in on her own morning sicknesses back in the 70's with me and my siblings - without her knowing that I'm pregnant too. We're telling them at Thanksgiving. But until then, it's kind of nice having it be the husband's and my secret - our time to think about this on our own, and giggle in bed again, going "I can't believe we're having a baby!!!" Everyone will be full of advice for us soon enough.

And...
the morning sickness is here. Little bubbles of nausea have been surfacing the last couple days. This morning I woke up hungry and went down to get breakfast. Since breakfast I've got a slight feeling of nausea sitting there. It feels a bit like I've swallowed a huge hunk of iron and the metal is coming up my throat. It's not too bad though. I could deal with this - but I'm leaving tomorrow for a ten day tour with the group. I'm going to grab some vomit bags on the plane (if I haven't used them first) - but I hope I don't end up puking on the bus. That will definitely mean telling people before I'm ready. But, que sera, sera!