It's 12:08 am on January 1, 2007. A quiet night at home, reading on the couch, the husband is asleep upstairs. He had to work tomorrow, a busy day - and I'm pregnant and nondrinking (though I did sneak a small bit of champagne last night!) So instead of partying in the New Year we stayed at home, played some cards and he went to bed at 10:30. I thought I'd be in bed soon after, but found myself enthralled by a book he bought me for Christmas. The radio was playing in the background, live from Tonic in New York City, jazz that sat in the background. Then, they counted down until midnight and "Auld Lang Syne" started up, at the same time that the sounds of fireworks erupted in the neighborhood. I've always loved New Year's, the counting down to the next installment of life that keeps moving on. Wondering what will come this year, and marveling at the ones that keep adding up behind me. This year - we hope for a baby, whose heartbeat we heard for a second time on Friday. We'll find out if it's a boy or a girl on the 26th of January, when we get our ultrasound. And I couldn't help feeling that this New Year's starts a new era for us as people and as a couple. The end of the freewheeling couple that we were - at least in the sense of out any night we felt like it, partying, dining out... we stayed in tonight and who knows what next year will be like. After so many years single, free, in a way thinking about next year curling up with the baby, the miracle that somehow we've created... sounds pretty good. There's definitely a sad feeling bidding goodbye to my younger, more independent self- balanced by this amazing feeling that soon my life will matter more than anything to one person whom I've taken it upon myself - ourselves - to raise up as best we can.
Up to cuddle with the father - the husband- Happy New Year, here's to a 2007 of peace and life, as best we humans can manage it.
Good night!

I told my bosses a few days ago and it went much better than I thought. I didn't expect them to be angry or anything; but they seemed truly congratulatory and to be honest, somewhat unsurprised. I guess the fact that I'm a happily married childless 30-something means that this wasn't something they hadn't thought of before. So the word is out and I feel better.
So in general I'm getting the word out and telling people in the outside world. I'm also starting to show a bit; my "gut" is getting bigger and I can definitely feel my uterus sticking up at the bottom of my abdomen. I'm using some jeans from my sister-in-law who's a couple sizes bigger than me until I can get to the Gap and Target and H & M and get a few maternity things. Mostly it's the onstage clothes that I'm worried about - I don't mind living in sweatpants and one nice dress in average life, but on stage I still want to look good even though my stomach is ballooning. Nothing like having an audience for your pregnancy!
I almost passed out in the post office yesterday - I was waiting in line for ten minutes and it was warm in there, but I wasn't really thinking about it. Then when I got up to the guy, as he processed my packages I started feeling a bit woozy. Then my vision started going grey, and I crouched down to the floor - "I'm feeling a bit hot," I said. He got my receipt and just as things were really going black, I walked as fast as I could outside to the fresh air and sat down on the steps. After a few minutes I felt better, but it was a bit scary. So I'll have to watch the heat from now on.
Next appointment (#2) is on Friday. I'm looking forward to it. I'd like to hear the heartbeat again... sometimes even though the stomach is growing and I still get queasy now and then (though much less than a few weeks ago) --the whole thing still seems surreal. But that didn't stop a few baby presents from arriving at Christmas. As well as a baby book - Baby 411 - that seems to be a really good one, full of information. As it came from my in-laws that had a baby last April, I'm assuming they found it very helpful.

As I said yesterday I felt sicker than usual. I was tired and tried to relax all day, had a good long night's sleep. I woke up and got out of bed and gagged almost immediately. A couple hours later I did a search on the internet and realized that it was my prenatal vitamins. They apparantly can be rough on your stomach and make you sick. I called the birth center, left a message and got a call back from a midwife who told me to ignore the directions and take them with a little bit of food. She also agreed with what I had read on the internet, that taking them before bed will help. Hopefully that's true. I'll give it a shot and if that doesn't help, I might go to every other day with those and a plain folic acid tablet.

Okay...it's bad. I was just weepy and emotional, holding back tears...after watching a Citgo commercial. Okay, so it was a daughter asking her mother to make the house warm, but...they can't afford oil. Along comes "Joe," the representative of their heating assistance program, who rings the doorbell to smiles and a little girl that will have a warm house and hot soup from now on, thanks to Citgo. Still... Citgo? Well, that's the hormones for you.
I was feeling all right the last few days, aside from the daily gagging fit, but this morning's was bad. I started brushing my teeth, gagged, did my best to do a cursory job all over quickly, and got in the shower. I hoped a few deep breaths and hot water would calm me down, but no go. I gagged a few more times until for the first time in this adventure, food re-emerged from my acidic depths. Not much, but it has managed to make me feel icky all day, with a stomach ache. I did eat some leftover cold chicken from a roast chicken yesterday, and felt paranoid about it... so hopefully it's not that, it's just... the hormones.

But the most exciting thing of this past week was our first prenatal appointment on Friday. The husband came with me, back to the birth center. He was once again unimpressed since they were running an hour late due to the new computer system being in place that day. He didn't understand what that had to do with our appointment, but it came clear once he met our very lovely nurse-midwife. She was struggling with the new equipment because she had to put everything in a computer instead of on a notebook. Despite that, we had a lovely visit with her. We went through all the family history and she recommended the maternal serum test at 14-16 weeks, as we're at low risk for defects etc. The husband witnessed his first Pap smear and found, as I told him, that it's not all that bad (they've never bothered me, though.) And the best part... the little microphone that played our baby's heartbeat for us! "There's someone in there!" she said. At first I was just like, yup, there it is - but then through the day there were waves of amazement. Just thinking about that little bumper in there with the heart beating away... that no matter what happens, there is a life on this planet TODAY that exists solely because of us. I've got my prescription for prenatal vitamins and a definite opinion that I can't eat fresh mozzerella cheese. We're at eleven weeks this week, so the end of trimester one is approaching. End of quease, hopefully the beginning of the best sex we'll have for... years?